God would you look at the time, and I've not even started the blog. If I don't get a post up by 5 sharp there'll be hell to pay. You know what the readers are like, desperate for their daily fix. If you're a second late there's ructions and tuts all over the web.
Relax, you're on holiday remember. We said no posts on the holiday, and for good reason too. You can't keep up that prodigious comedy work rate without risking burn-out. It's insane, suicidal.
That's true enough. It's a pity though, because I thought of a really good gag for the next few posts.
Oh yes, a really, really, good gag.
(Ignores fresh bait.)
God yes, a gag that'll have them howling and crying and creasing up all over the 'net.
(Cracks...) What gag's that then?
You'll remember yesterday me saying that I had a surfeit of comedy conceptions.
As if I was bursting at the seams with funny ideas.
As if there was never a chance in a million of my running out.
Yes. (Said curtly to connote impatience.)
And I listed my surplus comedy ideas.
For the readers to use if they wanted.
But I said if I was really desperate I might use some of the ideas myself.
Well that just it.
If I use those ideas for my next fortnight's worth of posts. More particularly, if I use those ideas, in the order they were put, and I use nothing else but those ideas! Man it'll have 'em cracked up. They'll be hyperventilating with the giggles. Their diaphragms will be cramping. It'll go more than viral. It'll be... bacterial! Out of interest, did we get any comments to that post? Any comments thanking us for the comedic nuggets? Any comments of gratitude at all?
Well that's the thanks you get.